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Me

I'm a practical dreamer.
(this is not as contradictory as it seems)


I like the crisp smell of freshly printed paper (and the corresponding sound of pen scratching ink on paper),cold temperatures when the sun is out, long and invigorating discourse, shopping at quaint, old-world boutiques, playing with poker cards at any kind of game (excluding Solitaire,while I honestly prefer all the variants of Bridge), and walking, just sauntering aimlessly (but contentedly); indulging in the sights and sounds around me, encasing them in the multi-faceted tapestry of sheer sensation-

Audentes Fortuna Iuvat.
-Virgil, The Aeneid

therefore I am vulnerable no more
Sunday, January 29, 2012

I read this somewhere:










When the Israelites defeated the Philistines at a place called Beth-Car, the prophet Samuel took a stone, stood it up and "named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far the Lord has helped us.'" (1 Samuel 7:12, NIV) Ebenezer literally means "stone of help," and Samuel erected it as a reminder for all that God had provided a victory, that He had cared for His children.

We humans are a forgetful people. It's easy to poke fun at Israel for not remembering God's power, to laugh at the Apostles as they repeatedly don't get it. But despite our cries of "surely not I, Lord,” the truth is humanity is still pretty much the same. We believe in God, but stroll through life forgetting He is active. We pray passionately, but don't notice when He answers. We nod our heads to the sound of His commands, only to break them an hour after church.


To the unknowing reader: Yes, I am indefinitely, a Christian. I was a "Monotheist" for the sake of Philosophical Meandering- and I meandered so much to the point that I regarded my Faith in logical terms; which didn't work, and nearly, oh so close; made me lose my Faith entirely.

My Faith has been meandering on off after my father's death- but lately, I've rediscovered it- in its fullest.

I don't like to advertise it because I dread evangelizing- I have quite a simplistic viewpoint with regards to the dreaded "e" word: If a person has an open heart- he/she'll find his/her way to the Lord-

Otherwise, no amount of persuasion/logical reasoning can work- (I've been observing, and though I admire the effort- I think it's still founded on Faith, and an innate, spiritual/personal conviction)


---------------------------------------

Everything changed, when I discovered my own personal Ebenezer.


It started quite simply- I fell into that eternal pitfall that all humans face.

Namely, "Why, if there is a God, do I have to endure _____________________?"
(-insert tumultuous event-)

From being suddenly impoverished, to being hurt by peers, to horrible self-esteem problems (since I've always considered myself ugly since childhood), to immense jealousy, to the woes of probable eternal singlehood, to breaking down, to hospitalization, to facing death by an inch (ask me personally)-

But one thing was quite certain: in all these- I did not wait upon the Lord; at all.

I sought for comfort in other ways- in knowledge, in the pursuit of wealth, in the hopes of getting a better career; but it never worked; because this is the crucial point: Superficial material goods, can never heal a hole in one's heart!

What I truly needed- was a Father's love; which I desperately longed for, since I was so sordidly deprived.

I found that most recently- through my near death experience- and it was horrifying, but yet amazing, for my life was literally, saved.

(Of course, I'm not saying that everyone should have a near death experience, but it was something I truly felt)

I found my own personal Ebenezer-

and it was a life, so undeservingly restored,

and a chance (that alone, was enough to give me joy)- at something I longed for, so greatly- and prize, above all else

and no matter how illogical it sounds- false premises and assumptions aside

The Lord is well and truly active, and my life is in His hands, with my dreams and desires at His feet.

'Thus far the Lord has helped us.'

Truly indeed, and He alone is the great provider of all.

I'm still as before, but with my Faith fully restored.

I type this with all truthfulness:

If one Trusts the Lord completely, and wholeheartedly-

He is always Faithful.

Always

(and I am not typing this as a devout holy person, because I'm just not..)


But, I love this verse:


Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

11:33 PM

History.is.bunk

December 2011 January 2012 February 2012


Outgoing

I'm far too lazy, alas!



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